Thank you. I am working on getting a new therapist now that I have moved.
My self talk is brutal. I love my friends, but most of my friends seem to have made pretty happy lives for themselves...I not so much. I flunked out of college twice before I had my first two episodes. I sometimes make situations to be ashamed of on purpose. The berating does not end. Most of this year, suicide was the #1 thing on my mind. So, sometimes I don't feel comfortable talking about depressing things with my friends. I know that's what friends are for, but I don't want them to think I'm a sad sack.
I know I'm not, have had made great strides keeping the jobs I have had, but my last job I kept for two months, was too stressful, so i had to quit: I worked hard, made good connections and said they'd give me references. I feel no shame about that. Now I moved in with my parents and am just trying to relax, while make a game plan for what to do next. Suggestions of any sort would be wonderful.