No. It's true. I have no friends. Socially I am a total dud. Currently, I'm living on SSDI and have no funds to socialize. I have epilepsy and don't go to bars because I can't have alcohol or be around flashing lights. An arm injury and arthritic feet forced me to give up playing tennis.

My mother did not believe in childhood and raised me to be an adult from the start. I had no toys and no playmates and never learned to play. My parents did not even teach me to toss a ball, hit a pitch or buy me a baseball glove. Most of the advice I received was antisocial - to put family first because friends were not necessary. My parents missed the registration date for kindergarten and put me in first grade instead - I never fit in as I was younger and smaller and less mature than everyone else for all my years in school. I was given an odd first name that led to a lot of teasing. Sexually, I am gay and that has led to a lot of discrimination even in my family as well as social rejection. I could never adjust to the gay lifestyle and did not find the acceptance I sought there. For some reason, I was more asexual than gay. I just never enjoyed intimacy. My mother's parenting style was to be hyper-critical, and to yell and scream. She never hugged her kids as she did not believe hugs were necessary. I was raised being told that hugs were not necessary and believed it. I don't smile much. Never did. Still don't. People avoid me like the plague. For the last few years, I have just totally given up. I am totally despondent. C-PTSD has taken over my life. Currently, I am recovering from heart bypass surgery and am having a hard time of it.

I had a series of jobs where I was heavily overworked. I worked a lot of overtime but still could not keep up. Further, I had several successive jobs with mean employers who intentionally and repeatedly harassed. I could not afford to quit. Three I would describe as sociopaths. Now, I am practically unemployable. No one will hire me after decades of hard work. Two employers give me negative references (to hide their abuse of employees) and are proud of their harassing behavior which continues. I could not find an attorney to take my case. I guess that I'm just a loser.