cusack,

I think people are at a loss at this point to help you with any more information. Unfortunately, I don't believe any of us are qualified to help you the way you are hoping we could help you.

If there is a mental health clinic where you are from, or if you have a medical doctor, I would strongly suggest going and seeing a therapist or doctor to help you with your issues.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I wish we could help you more, but we are folks like you who are struggling and we don't have all the answers ourselves.

I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers.

*Gentle Hugs*
J