You've gotta focus on you first. It may sound weird or counter-intuitive (it does to me sometimes, anyway), but if you haven't taken good care of you, then it can be very hard to have empathy and patience for anyone else, least of all a wife who you have been having some conflict with. Then it can be very hard to see clearly, if you know you haven't always been able to be the most empathetic and clear-minded person, then how can you pick apart where you were wronged, and where you were in the wrong? But of course you shouldn't be accepting all the blame for everything, yet you've gotta know there is some dirt on you in the mix. It can get too overwhelming, like blowing a fuse in one's mind. You've gotta start with you. Take good care of you, validate your feelings, fight for meds that help but don't make you blah and numb or otherwise upset, be polite but assertive with your therapist, be true to you, be honest with yourself first, then with others. Things will fall into place if you start with you.