I used to keep a journal, but a few years I had a very painful experience in which I felt deeply betrayed by a priest who was like a dad to me, and the church didn't handle the situation well at all. That situation triggered so much for me--major fear of abandonment issues and so much more. I lost my community and support network, and I just couldn't journal anymore because I would cry for hours. So I stopped journalling, and really cut myself off from my feelings because being alone with all that pain was too much to handle. I am now in therapy, but opening up has been really hard because I am afraid of being flooded by emotions that are too painful. There is only so much a person can take.

It's also coming up to the anniversary of my cousin's death. He was murdered at a nightclub and there were so many people that the person who shot him got away and has never been caught. So this is probably playing into how I'm feeling right now too.