Thanks Growly. I, too, know that not all programs are equal but I would tell anyone in this area about this one. I know someone who drives an hour both ways daily to attend. I've always been afraid of any kind of program like this, and I definitely didn't want it in my medical charts. But - there comes a point when you have to put your pride aside and ask for help. Everyone was surprised when I started that I wasn't referred to the program and chose to come on my own, but its the best decision I could have made and I'm sure if I keep practicing the skills the beginning of a lot of life changes for me.

IOP: Week One

I worked the last three days and it went so much better than before. Lily was saying today that both she and I knew that I was not in the right state of mind last week and shouldn't have been working. However, this week was much better. I was actually surprised because Lily, Holly and Joy all expressed concern about how it would go. It's nice to see that they genuinely cared and that I was able to report complete victory.

Today I started the first day of the Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) whic is the same program but half days. I know it's only two groups and lunch less, but the day seemed to fly by! I blinked and it was time to go!

Saw the "not Dahlia/Holly" nurse today, for my weigh in and vitals, all of which were fine and then saw Holly today, for medication education.

Today I also saw the new/official psychiatrist, Joy, again. I liked her a bit more today, lol. She asked about work, medication symptoms, etc. Today was one of those "hyper teal" days that I mention occasionally, and I think she thought I was on drugs. She said "do you regularly have this much energy, because you're all over the place right now?" And it was true. I basically responded to everything like:



Lol, it was a relatively funny question to me, followed up by a polite "It's time to take another drug test."

I told her about last weeks overdose, and she seemed pretty concerned about the symptoms I had from it (the uncontrollable muscle spasms/jerking). She asked about my intent, when it was, etc. Not sure why I confessed but - thats why i'm there - to surrender myself from myself and get some help. So, no regrets.

She asked me to throw out the xanax and gave me a new prescription for Vistaril. She said it is a non-addictive anti-anxiety med and she would rather me come completely off the xanax since its addictive and I have some "past substance/prescription abuse behaviors". I told her I was all for it if it works! So now I have that for "anxiety and agitation".

I met with a dietician, because I told her how my appetites been raging lately. She told me of some foods to choose and agreed that my weight right now is fluctuating pretty funkily.

Our skill today was boundaries, which I totally needed.

We have two new people in the class. One is nice and the other is still in the "I hate the world" phase (we all go through it, it's okay).

I can feel myself getting better and better, and the suicidal thoughts at this point have pretty much disappeared (*knock on wood*). I wasn't sure that I was ready for half days but, again, these people totally know what they are doing.

I'm enjoying applying all of my skills. So far they've all worked for what I have used them for and I find theres more power in being able to apply the skills than peoples response (empowering me to kind of be responsible for my own actions).

So that's all for today and tomorrow. Feeling good.