I agree about delegation! Making it a pot luck is rather necessary. My ex's family is large, he's one of 11, with more than half local. Asking others to bring disposable trays of food is more than acceptable. Each host does have a certain dish and in charge of grilling, and beverages. A big lawn bag or two for trash, it's ok to have everyone pitching in, especially for a bbq. My mom's side can be like that, as well. It's polite and proper for others to ask how to help.