Thanks, Breadfish. Wow, that must have been hard to tell your mom.
See, I don't think my H suspects. I told him about the medication change, but he thinks it's because I was having twitches/jerks on the higher dose of Cymbalta (which I was!). But the reason she added Wellbutrin instead of just decreasing Cymbalta is she's concerned about me because I'm escalating (just had thoughts of it a couple months ago). H and I were talking about dosages tonight and what the dosing is for Wellbutrin. I'm just on 150 mg because it's to augment the Cymbalta, but I told him it can go up to 450. And H was like, "Well, I'm sure she isn't thinking about putting you on a high dose of something, doesn't seem like you'd need that." I just said something about how it's better to start on a low dose.
I was hoping to hear from MC today that maybe he had an opening for H and I to come in later this week but didn't hear back. But I don't even know for sure that he was in the office today after leaving early Monday. I see my T tomorrow afternoon, and they're in the same office, so I can at least find out if he's been in. And also whether she talked to him about it (I gave her permission).
I just have no idea how to bring it up with H. I mean, I could say that it wasn't just the twitching that had her change the meds. But I don't want him to be horrified or have to be worried about me. I definitely don't want to show him, at least not until it's healed more. I know he won't understand why I did it. The closest thing he has to mental illness is ADHD, and he has enough trouble trying to understand my anxiety.
I figure if I can share in MC's office, then he can reassure H a bit about it (we talked about it in there a couple months ago when I was just having thoughts about it but not acting on it). I guess I'll see if I hear from MC tomorrow (though I doubt he'll have any openings this week) and ask T what she suggests. If nothing else, we have our standing appointment with MC on Monday, so we can talk then, but I'd rather not have this hanging over my head for a week..