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But the boys have noticed my wife's withdrawal and will randomly give my wife a hug to try to cheer her up.
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Hmmmm if it works for the boys......why not for you.....just a hug with no sex intended.
I'm not one to be able to give any good suggestions because I finally realized after I left my bad marriage of 33 years that my H turned me off before we ever got married (huge issues & red flags that I didn't know what I was seeing)
You commented that your wife had back surgery about the same time that she started having no interest in sex......just curious because I know that after I fractured my back & the pain that was involved with that....If I had been married, there is no way for a long time I would have wanted to have sex.
I'm not one to talk because I had no interest in having anything to do with my H the last 13 years we had to live in the same house & it wasn't often before.....but I was the one who had no interest in him from the beginning......soooooo.....I have NO experience other than in the things that turned me off.
If I had a H I cared about however, even though I sat at the other end of the sofa, it probably wouldn't have been something that would have bothered me to have him just sit close & be together without sex always having to be the END result.....maybe that was something she was feeling just from reading some of what you wrote here.
Being intimate & close without always wanting to have it end with sex can show a greater caring....a caring that is there no matter what.....just a thought even though you say she sits at the other end of the sofa....it might be just to see if you will make a move to wanting to be close to her?......
Relationships can be so difficult to figure out exactly what it is that caused the problem or the thought at that specific point in time.....sometimes it can just be something that's said in passing that even she might not actually remember but the feeling remains.
It wasn't until 33 years after I got married that I remembered what happened before the wedding that caused me to feel the way I did & I didn't even remember talking to my mother about stopping the wedding until then......then it hit me over the head in ALL the details....& I realized why the whole 33 years was the way it was.