Just needing to vent a few things.

Been a rough couple of weeks. Been doing what needs to be done but it seems like no use. I keep falling further and further behind.

Work has really gotten me down. I made a mistake and the boss turned it into a big deal. Got wrote up. Every week I get farther behind with my bills. I simply don't make enough to cover it.

My daughter lives with her mother and I have no problem paying my support and insurance on her. (The money never gets used for my daughter and there is nothing I can do about it. But that is a whole other topic which I won't go into here) Paying this reduces me below a living wage. I am having to eat rice and beans and my ex goes on 2 cruises a year. Then has the gall to call me complaining that I need to send more.

Still alone almost 99% of the time. I have reached out to groups about my interests(hiking, photography, books), old friends, and even churches. Not a single one of them has even tried to reach back. The groups never meet. Old friends just say no they are too busy. And the churches always want me to come to services as long as it is about raising money for them. This has made me feel more isolated.

I am still having problems with my blood pressure and that seems to be aggravating my Muscular Dystrophy. Of course, the doctors have no answers as usual.

Today while driving my route I had to pull over and walk away for about 30 min. I just pulled to the side of the road, left my phone, locked up the van, and walked into the brush. I just felt like I was going to come apart.

I'm angry that my life has gotten this messed up. I'm frustrated that I am alone even though I put myself out there. I'm scared that this what my life will be from here on out.

I don't like it.