AngstyLady,
From your writing, it sounds like you have a dependency on weed and are using it to self-medicate. How long can you go without weed? You also mentioned alcohol. So, I am wondering if you combine the two? Hey, I'm a recovering alcoholic with an addictive personality. I can get addicted to anything that makes me feel better and moderation is not a word I know the meaning of. Help is available, we just gotta want it.