About a month ago my sister informed my family and I that she has terminal cancer. The disease has spread throughout her body. Today she found out there are a couple of spots of cancer in her brain. I am the youngest of three sisters (same parents, but my sisters are much older than I am). The sister who is dying is the middle child, aged 68.

This past week my sister did a little bit of chemo in the hopes that it retards the spread of the cancer and gives her a little bit more time on this earth. But now the cancer has been found in her brain. The prognosis is not looking good. Her oncologist is sending her for therapy 'to cope with dying' (her words: she KNOWS she is dying). No medication (psychiatric) are helping her at all. At this point, she is feeling extremely bitter, angry, and absolutely completely terrified. She and her husband have been married for 45 years, but the marriage has never been fabulous. They have one son, my nephew, who is 38 and very, very close to his dying mom. In short, my sister is hurting, and hurting severely.

I adore my sister. She's fifteen years older than I am and was a huge part of my growing-up years. She has always been an inspiration to me.
Needless to say I am frantic. I have nightmares nearly every night about my sister being sick. I don't even know what to do with my grief (I have lost many, many family members, a pregnancy, friends, and beloved pets over the past 2 decades...the grief just never stops).

So, yeah, I am very upset. But that's really not why I'm posting this. The reason I'm posting it is because I need to know how best to communicate with my sister. By email and in person. What are some things TO say? What are some things best left UNSAID?

With all the family members (parents, aunts, uncles, cousin) I have lost, their deaths were either sudden (suicide) or they were elderly, infirm, and died quite quickly. My sis is youthful, very energetic, extremely creative, and seems obviously sick only recently (for example, her breathing is very labored & she's so thin).

PLEASE give me any suggestions or experience you have with someone who knows s/he is dying. How did you talk to the person? What would/did you say? What would YOU want to if you were facing your death fairly soon?