I don't know how to start or what to say
i don't know exactly what i feel, but all i know that i have finally lost my mind
i don't feel like humans, i don't feel comfortable , i don't enjoy anything, everything looks boring and depressing , when i look at the mirror i keep staring at the reflection for minutes and just wondering who is this person i know its me but at the same time i don't feel like its me
my whole life since i was a kid is not normal,its a mess
my mind gives me very annoying,depressing and worrying thoughts that makes me feel very wrong ( cant describe the feeling )
everything around me do not look beautiful,normal, or even real enough unlike normal people they see their surroundings beautiful and real ( i felt that in the past when i was normal) things looks hazy,foggy not like before
when im walking,talking,playing video games or doing any other activity, i cant really describe it exactly but it just feels like not me doing it,i once felt amazing a human and feeling myself, feeling that im here. but that feeling only lasted for 1 minute i hoped it would lasted forever
i don't enjoy things like before
its a nightmare
i don't want money,i don't want love, i don't want friends
I just want to feel human,peaceful,happy,with myself like everybody else. is that too much to ask for ? to be human , have work problems,girlfriend problems,school problems and all normal life problems i really miss all of these even if its problems but i miss it,i want to feel what people feel and just live

i need to know what is wrong with me i think its more than just a disorder i cant take it any more. if it is a disorder what is it and how it is very hard like that

i need help

hope to see any respond

my therapist and medications didn't help at all

(my English is not very well )