I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Have you sought counseling or a pdoc, considering you are have suicidal thoughts, even though you are planning on acting on them? It would be good to have one or both of these as an outlet. I don't know what i would do without my therapist to bounce things off of.

Maybe try some relaxation techniques would be helpful, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation.

We are glad to have you here in the forums and encourage you to keep posting your concerns. Soon you will start to get to know people and make friends who have the same issues.

I hope you find it as helpful here as I have.