Hi everybody, sorry for late updates, thank god I'm still alive but I still feel like suicide always. I did not call up any hotlines because I knew they will lock me up as I had depression sick and I go for physiatrist treatment for bout 5 years. I did tried once last time to tell the physicist when I have suicidal thoughts and she will send me to wards just for precautions purpose. But 1 was the only 1 person which is alert in there. So I don't wanna end up there again. But honestly I still feel like suiciding on and off. Just like right now I'm actually typing this message in my car right now and I am at my ex-gf home nearby trying to stalk her in hope to have a look at her anytime since I travel 5 hours down to South here for company sales work purpose. I did not even stay in a hotel or what. I know I sounds like an idiot and a useless guy. But all and all in the end because I really miss her and I couldn't retract my love to her as what everyone told me to let go and move on but I can't do it. I'm so depressed and sad always. Couldn't work, eat, sleep, and have my daily lifestyle properly just like a normal human. Depressed depressed depraved karma ..... Why..... God, father pls forgive me and let us have another chance pls.... Amen. Thank you everyone for your hugs and concerns and replies. I'm still very sad as I can only think about her and I can't divert myself away for any other things even while I'm working. Sad to say, I know I'm useless. Sorry guys.

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