Hello mouse. I saw your post, I read it, I wished I had the words to say. I have been in such places myself before and I didn't go to the hospital, and I couldn't find a friend, and I did feel terribly alone. But by sitting with that kind of pain and loneliness I also discovered that I could -- something I wouldn't have known if I'd gone to the hospital or found a friend. We do not discover our personal strengths in the easy moments, only the difficult ones.

Five days has passed since you made your original post and you're still here. Maybe you thought a script had been written for you but obviously, there is a part of you that doesn't believe it because you rejected the script. That's your strength -- hard won, tough, but determined.

Meantime, as always, I recommend tonglen practice to those who are stuck in pain and feel alone there.

Take care.