I've been separated for almost 4yrs now. Divorced. I just recently, like 3mo ago decided to just put myself out there and make some guy friends since I literally have none. So far I have 2 guy friends. Both met through friends. They're both a-holes. I know this. I've tried just stopping communication with both and always end up talking to them again. Problem is they're a-holes. I'm attracted to that. To being treated like crap. Both have issues, I can tell and the caretaker in me wants to be there so bad. I feel sorry for them when they are being complete jerks. I have no interest in forming any type of relationship with either one. I'm just so ugh!!!! I want to know why they're the way they are. I want to know what they're thinking, I want to be there. I've asked both why they continue to talk to me when it's obvious they don't care about me and I never get any answers. I just want to know why???? I can't stop. I feel like I'm digging a big hole for myself. They're selfish, disrespectful, arrogant, full of themselves. They're both super hot in they're own way and both I'm attracted to physically. I know they're both attracted to me because of little things here and there. But it's like they're scared too and this pulls me in even more. It's like I don't want to let go, i don't even get my feelings hurt when it's obvious they're trying to get a reaction from me. My friends keep telling me to stop talking to both. I've tried and then out of the blue they'll text me and I just fall back in. I feel stupid, dumb, like a pushover but at the same time I know something hidden exists and I want to know what it is....it's horrible. Clearly I'm wasting my time. Pointless. I'm already dealing with a lot of my own crap. This is a big distraction for me and I like it. I feel sick and twisted. At the same time I miss having someone to turn to, that comforting touch. I miss talking with someone and having that closeness but this will never replace that so I don't understand why I continue. This is making me hate myself . I feel like I can't stop. These guys don't deserve the time of day from me. I'm a good person, I work hard and I am a good friend. I'm actually pretty attractive and I try to take care of myself. I know I deserve something so much better. I can't stop thought. Please help, suggestions?