I never had a mom, and the "subs" were neglectful, yet I'm getting into the good regression supposed to happen in therapy. I'm supposed to wish T could be the good mom, and supposed to feel sad I missed having one, but it's all confusing, and blank where something should be. When I was talking about this last week, T said that I need to grow a dependency on her in order to grow a natural independence from it.

So, you seem to be about at this stage, too. Good therapy welcomes and needs you to have the little child needs and wishes from T, and for a long time, to gradually fix what went wrong the first time. Just don't do what I did and put the cart before the horse, by focusing on fear of the end before I've even done the beginning and the middle. The transference will take it's natural course if I don't fight it. T said that if I ever, ever feel forced, I should tell her so she can back off.

There are good articles here on the forum about how all this works in therapy and what good therapists feel about it.