When I was a lot worse a decade ago, I would go to the ER in a wild, out-of-control condition, even get worse after let in the psych ward where it was safer to rage and beat on furniture, and such. What was wonderful was how some of the good techs and docs could talk me down, get into my pain in a caring way, and rescue me from my hell. In a way, I could feel loved after that without having to say the scary words.
Nowadays, I'm past that depth of illness, but I love my new T so much that I dream of being rescued by her. I don't think I could, or should, fake a crisis, but it was so magical to be "talked down" by a therapist who has the empathic, strong personality to risk getting involved with me. I can just feel her power of "crisis negotiator" like a halo around T. I feel like Aurora B, that T coming out with "I Love You" taps into a bee's nest of complexity and confusion about "just what did you mean by that"?

I guess this corny idea of mine comes from early experiences in childhood of being in a rage or panic attack and having stupid people drop out from under me, shutting me in the basement or closet until I 'shape up', instead of dealing with me.
So, I just imagine dramatic rescue things happening with T now instead of doing them. Such a yearning! Drats. But I'm past being ashamed of it, anyway. I can imagine what I want. Dreaming is a lot safer.