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gerber said:
i need this to feel like an anchor, a safe haven...something to hold onto. i need someone who can really look into my soul with me and help me see what i need to do.

Can he do that? Should i wait to find out?

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gerber, you seem to have a good sense of what you need and want from therapy. That puts you ahead of so many of us when we first start with a new T. Your T would probably welcome that you are so clearheaded on what you need from him to heal, so I recommend sharing these thoughts with him. Then he can tell you right up front if it is within his abilities to give you what you want/need. I find it instructive sometimes to browse through local websites where psychotherapists list their services. I'm not saying this is a good way to find a therapist, but reading how they describe themselves has helped me understand more what resonates with me in therapy and what doesn't. I can quickly flip through the descriptions and know who might work for me and who would not. For me, I guess I'm a bit alternative and like psychotherapists who talk a lot about "healing." I see that as a prime thing I need and that a subset of psychotherapists see as their mission. The ones who are not into being healers do not talk about healing in their blurbs and probably would not talk about healing in your first meeting with them. Whereas the healers would talk about this. I think you may even know already in your heart if this T can help you or not. Can you talk to him about this?

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i know that a solid caring relationship takes time... but i don't have the luxury of time. There are a lot of crisis points in my life. i need to really feel that the relationship i need actually can be built with him. It doesn't have to be imediate, but i need to know now if it can be built at all.

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I understand about needing help NOW. I think when you find the right T, your progress will be amazingly fast because you are so ready to heal. I was lucky to find my current T. He has described our progress in therapy as "meteoric." I was ready to heal and offered very little resistance and was willing to take the lead in our sessions in choosing the path to healing for me. We had very few sessions where I didn't make huge progress. When you are ready, you are ready. Your post sounds like you are ready. Please talk to your T about whether he is able to be your guide or not. I hope his answer is yes.

(Just a side note: Insurance companies tend to favor providers who are CBT, so if you do need to look for another T , you may find yourself having to go outside of your insurance provider network to find someone with the therapy orientation you seek.)