Struggling right now...still haven't told H and it's wearing on me. Didn't hear from MC today, so I'm guessing he had no cancellations. I'm hoping maybe by some chance he'll have one tomorrow? The thought of telling H on my own fills me with dread, and I don't want to have to go the whole weekend. Especially because we have a couple hourlong car rides ahead of us.

I also may be going through T withdrawal, since Monday I talked to my T on the phone, Tuesday I saw my p-doc, yesterday I saw my T and also talked to MC for a few after that session. So today is the first day I haven't had any actual contact with any of them. My T doesn't work Thursdays or Fridays, but if I'm in a bad place, I know she'll return my call. Think I was partly hoping MC would call partly to say he had an opening and partly just to talk to him for a minute, since he's rather grounding to me, like makes me feel safe.

I'm having trouble around knives now, too. Like I started shaking when I had to put a couple in the dishwasher and asked H to get our daughter something something that required cutting up. Is this common, to be triggered by whatever you used? Not in the sense that I want to use it again, but just it making me all shaky.

OK, just had to get that all out. Thanks for the support.