I live in a home with my husband of almost 14 years together. We both work full time jobs, and yet I am the ONLY one expected to do the house work. I have a job that keeps me at home, a daycare provider. So the way my hubby looks at things is this: He says because I am at home all day, I should have no problems doing the house work. He says because I only watch 3 babies, and our own child, I should have plenty of time to clean house. He said "Lisa, you are a stay home mom that earns money watching children, but that's what I am, a stay home mom. So, their is no reason why you can't keep a clean home".
I pointed out to him this: We both have full time jobs, and infact, I work about 11 hours per day mon-fri. He has an 8 hour job, as a bail bondsman on the night shift. He gets to watch movies all night, and baby-sit the phone. Once in a while he will actually have to do a bond. I am NOT jealous of him and his easy HIGH PAYING JOB, infact, I am happy for him. The last 13 years he has worked very hard for a different employer who did not approve of him, and did make him work very long hours. I don't walk around saying "I work harder than you do", no, I only really compare time at work. My 11 to his 8. Also I will mention to him that my job is very hard to do {with all the screaming babies and diapers and such} I only point this out to him to show him that I could really use some help from him during the time he is home. I said to him that I COULD inform him that we are partners, and that he now has to do 50% of the cooking and cleaning. But I don't, I said what I need for him to do is every day just give a concentrated effort of help, not more than one hour of cleaning per day, and not more than 2 hours each weekend day. I tolled him because He will only be helping me a short time everyday, I will be dictating to him what jobs I need done, that he can not just pick and chose what jobs he wants to do. He agreed to helping me, but now one month has gone by, and he has worked a total of 10 hours in one whole month. That is like 1 hour every 3 days. This last week he went 9 days with out helping me.
What doesn't help is that he has a mom who is the most liberal mom I have ever met, but at the same time, she can be the most old fashioned too. She has my hubby convinced that house work should be the woman's work only. I said out loud one day "so if I had to Balls between my legs, I could get out of the house work too?" I said that he gets 278 hours of fee time per month, while I get 20 to 40 hours of free time per month, and it depends if I MISS slept to get it. He easily will spend 5 to 8 hours per day on the internet or out fishing, or watching TV, or spending it with our son. I would very much like that much time to spend with our son too.
If I say ANYTHING about it, he will just tell me that if I don't like how things are, I can just pack my bags and go. {he knows I have no money and no where to go, he will even through it in my face that when he married me he took me away from an abusive relationship with my parents, so he knows I have no where to go} OR, he will just yell and say STOP NAGGING ME ALREADY, YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE RUNNING SOMETHING HERE LISA, WELL YOU ARE NOT, I AM THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, NOT YOU
So, I know that he loves me, and I would never consider divorce, we do love each other, and if anything, I think he is just blind to the fact that I really need help, he says HE IS THE TIRED ONE, he says that this is all woman's work anyway. Now, don't get him wrong, he is JUST like most of the men out there that I meet and he is just a normal guy, but I have to say that if balls are an excuses to not have to do anymore than the 8 hour per day job, well than bring me a couple and I shall have them installed {LOLL, just kidding, really, I LOVE being a woman, but don't love the attitude my husband has about woman and the home. In other words, NO MATTER how many hours of work I do, The house is still mine to deal with. Some have tolled me to just relax and do what I can every day and then don't worry about what does not get done. But then my hubby will go out of his way to point out that the house is a pig style. I say to him that if he is not going to help me, than keep your mouth shut. But that is to no avail, he will STILL bring his dad or mom into the house and for just about any reason he will show them around. My father in law without fail, will ALWAYS have to use our bathroom when he comes over.....So, how can I make things fair without leaving my hubby. How can I make him do house work with our sounding like a ***** or a nag or a controlling wife? Oh ..Did I forget to mention that we have had this same fight over and over again through our marriage, he will allways end up helping me for a time, than it goes right back to not helping. And each time this happens, we start from SCRATCH. I tolled him that he has 4 months to either really make an effort at helping me, or he will be having some consaquences, I am not making a threat, I am just saying that if he refuses to help me, fine, but I have to protect me and my sanity too. So I will start to get rid of one day care client at a time until I feel comfortable enough where I can take care of the house the right way. SOme would say do it now, but wE owe allmost 17 thousand dollars in medical bills and credit cards, so I have to work. I would loose 400 dollars per month per child I delete from my program. I said "if you like the income, than I just ask that you participate by helping me, " I suffer from migrains too, and all this strain on our relationship and the having to do everything, well is giving me migrains. We do not have med. ins.
Washable School Glue....yep, that's what I said.