I applied to the court where my adoption took place. I told T I had and we talked about what I might find out. T said it might just be more of the same of what I already know.
I received the paper work this week
Growing up my adoptive mother always told me my birth mother laughed as she handed me over to the person who arranged the adoption.
T was right, it was much the same of what I already knew. BUT there was another piece of paper that had a small section on anything my birth mother had to say about the adoption, and it states my birth mother was very pleased I was going to live with my half brother (my adoptive parents got him 2yrs earlier ).
I emailed T telling her she was right about it not having much more info than what I already knew, but the image of my birth mother saying she was very pleased I was going to be with my brother is much better than the "she laughed" image I grew up with.
T said, yes it is a much better image and that alone was worth the effort of applying for papers. That it shows she was thinking about me.
Unfortunately because of my adoptive mothers pyschotic parenting, me and my brother haven't seen each other in 12yrs.
But over all its comforting to learn my birth mother wasn't such a monster.
I think my adoptive mother was so insecure, she couldn't let me have that comfort.
Of well.