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sunrise said:
Tonight was my first individual session in a while. T talked a lot. I listened. He gave me food to eat and water to drink. This is the first time we have eaten together.
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Aw, your first meal
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sunrise said:
He typed an email for me on his laptop while I watched him. At close range. That felt good.
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I know what you mean. I once did biofeedback in T's office and we sat pretty close together as he explained what to do and then explained the results. I felt like I was home
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sunrise said:
T said someone told him once that going through a divorce is like having a second fulltime job.
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I agree, smart man
I've been through one myself.
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sunrise said:
I had this urge to rehash our therapy history together. Does anyone ever do that in therapy? I wanted to look back over the months at what we had done. Our history.
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Sometimes I'll make comments about when I first saw him over a year ago or I'll say wow the fog has lifted on x,y,z why didn't I see that in the beginning but it is so clear now?
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sunrise said:
Do you reflect back like that? Do you ever feel your T knew all along where you were going even if you didn't?
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I definitely feel like the majority of time he knew where I was going. I say majority because when I first started seeing him after he did all the testing, he told me my depression would lift in weeks rather than months.
I can admit that this upset me when he said it. I thought uh-oh I better not even bother. I'll never meet the deadline
In fact, one day I should tell him that saying this to me in the beginning made me feel like such a failure as each week passed and I was still sitting there. Then again, he was talking about CBT his specialty and I had no idea that therapy even had different methods let alone how long therapy takes.
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sunrise said:
Why do I want to do this? Is it a way of starting to say I am done and good-bye?
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That may or may not be the case. See how you feel next time and decide on that.
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sunrise said:
I also had a strong impulse to thank T for all his help. I think I managed to do that a little in regard to the couples therapy. But what I really want to do is thank him for all his help in individual. He has really saved my life. And I want him to know that.
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I have told T several times the very same thing. I think we have moments in therapy that provide some clarity on where we started and where we are now. I've done this a few times, and I'm not feeling ready to graduate.
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sunrise said:
I think I shouldn't take my med right before therapy. It makes me really up and kind of bouncing off the walls. Flit. Flit. Flit. T may think he is talking to a different person. Hard to be reflective under the influence. Does anyone here tell your T if you are on meds? I haven't mentioned this to mine.
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Actually, I'm surprised he isn't involved in the decision or at least knows about it. He has never asked you that? Although, I'm not sure if you went to see him initially for a problem that required medication.
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sunrise said:
I kind of feel like a failure because I started taking this anxiolytic about 5 weeks ago. It's kind of embarrassing to me I sought out medication for anxiety. Is this the sort of thing to share with your T? Or would he just not care (i.e. that is the doctor's domain)? I almost feel like I owe him some sort of explanation for my uncharacteristic behavior in session.
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Stop that right now
You are not a failure for calming symptoms you are having. This is why I think you should tell him what you are taking and why. He can help you with what you are feeling about taking meds.
It seems as if you and T have a very comfy relationship so it shouldn't be hard to tell him this at all... hugs!