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my attempt at eating more "normal" but healthy food has completely backfired. I've already gained weight faster than I imagined and feel like a total c*** heap. Feel like hiding away just as I've always done when I become a great big fat ugly cow again. I feel the total opposite of how confident I feel when reaching my "ideal" weight and size ~ which is nowhere near where I am now. Feel like self harming to pay myself back for being so stupid as to even think I could eat like "normal" people, it's never been the case and never will be. Back to so called "dangerous" methods to get, and stay thin. X
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