Growing up family was always a really important part of what shaped me as a person. I am the oldest of four children two girls and two boys. I was taught you drop everything for family. You support them and are there for them when they need you.

my mothers mother passed the summer before I started high school and her mother sometime before that. 2008 was the worst year of my life
My dad passed away when I was 19 I graduated high school the week after he died. my grandpa my mothers dad passed in September and my dads mother the following march. I was really depressed for a long time after it and I finally started to get better when my mom got sick. my mom had PKD and her potassium dropped. It is genetic. She died in April. They both died of a heart attack.

my eldest little brother started drinking heavily he got a dwi got in to fights with my sister yelling throwing things. Wednesday he came home drunk and angry and got in a fight with her partner and she called the cops on him. my youngest brother bailed him out and now no one is talking to each other. I'm torn in the middle. My family is the only thing holding me together and I can't hold them together. In high school I struggled with self harm and I see the same thing in my brother drinking being reckless and I want to help but I don't know what to do. I can't chose any of my siblings over the others and this is not helping me either. I am just so lost and I don't know how to help them or myself.