Thank you so much for sharing so much with us, sista!! Oh, and welcome to Psych Central!!

Depression is the thing that makes you say that you're bad and stupid and many other names that don't apply to you. Confusion is normal and it is something that is caused by the overthinking, and it isn't something easy to get over by simply having to replace those thoughts and that's that, because depression causes you fatigue and inability to move, and makes you completely un-energetic and on top of that, it also messes with your mentality and convinces you that you're bad and helpless, which is completely not what you are

I don't recommend the upping and downing in medication the way you did without consulting a doctor, and it's probably why you're really feeling down now, and I'm glad your boyfriend made you back out from not upping the dose so drastically, thinking that it will boost your mood, and it actually won't. And, you should go and see a psychiatrist to evaluate you on that dissociative disorder you think you have, because online quizzes only give you a little concern that this may qualify for diagnosis, but you should go and get diagnosed by a professional, a doctor.

And hey, it's alright to cry I do it sometimes, and your family is there to help you, you're not annoying them at all

Good luck with college and your life!!