MJ14....You just totally described how I've ALWAYS felt! Even as a kid, I remember feeling like I 'didnt even LOOK like everyone else', like I was really different or odd even though I wasn't. Well, I never had many friends and now as an adult, I have none except for my friend from 6th grade who lives in NY and I'm in MO...we IM every morning, so she's the only one I can really talk to about anything.
I've always tried to do what everyone else does....working every day, trying to talk to people,etc. but it ALWAYS felt totally unnatural to me and it still does! I feel like a freak still, I don't even KNOW how to meet or talk to people. I have LOTS of 'disorders' according to symptoms and drs. The weird thing is that when I was in high school, I was the 'leader' of the group...kind of like it was my way of hiding my inner self and my real insecurities...I was the one who came up with all the wild things to do and people followed me. Suddenly as I reached my 20's and everyone went their separate ways, I started having major anxiety attacks and depression. Now I'm 32, a recluse, I have no life outside of my 6 year old, I have NO one to hang out with or do things with,etc. It feels like everyone else in the world is able to meet people and date and have relationships and good jobs, but I'm on the sidelines watching it all go by.........Since there seems to be a BUNCH of us standing on the sidelines, WHAT are we 'called'?