My information is actually my opinion, like I said, based on my own experiences, as well as from what I have heard from talking to several other people who are into kink, have abuse history or both.

Like I said, in my opinion, not everyone into kink is acting out trauma. However, some people with trauma do try to act it out later in life, either consciously or subconsciously.

Again this is all my opinion based on articles and research I've read (popping various things into Google can get you that stuff if you're curious), my own experiences and experiences others have shared with me over the years.

It is also my personal opinion that if someone is carrying the feeling of shame, then they are acting something out that is unhealthy. It is not role playing and fantasy if the person exits a scene and feels ashamed on-going, and not just as part of a brief fantasy scene experience.

The OP is expressing ongoing feelings of "disgust" and like they are "messed up" which to me is a red flag of ailing emotional health that ties into their sexuality (given the context) and their history of abuse.

Also like I said, it is entirely possible that they could work through these issues and still turn out to be naturally kinky.