my story is too long to get into details, but i'll give you the most recent bits so you have some idea what i'm going through.
In february i lost my job. In april i lost my apartment and very nearly ended up homeless. Moved back in with my mother in pennsylvania (i was living in upstate ny). By this time i was suicidal, but did not actually attempt. I went to the hospital for help, they put me in the psych unit for a week and gave me a bunch of pills that i didn't need (anyone who's been through this knows how horrible it is).
Since i was discharged, i've been living with my mother (who i don't have a great relationship with). I got a crap job at a warehouse where it's a minute-by-minute not to just walk out. I have zero friends in this state, i'm not close to any of my family so i have literally no support.
They changed my meds 3 times already because first nothing was working, the second drug gave me a bad panicky-manic reaction for 3 days, and i just started taking a new one supplemented with lorazopam.
But over the course of the last 3 days, i've been feeling the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed and just slipping backwards into myself.
I don't care anymore. I have never felt so alone, or so unwanted. I don't have the motivation to even try to look for a better job or to take care of basic bills i need to pay. I missed 2 days of work this week. I just stopped caring completely.
I'm afraid of where i'm headed right now, but a big part of me doesn't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I've tried professional help, i've tried meds. Nobody in my life gives a **** about me. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.