Okay I can tell you this as someone with very strong BPD traits that flare up from time to time.

Our behavior is ultimately selfish. We usually don't see it that way, as in we don't intend to be selfish, but we can easily get wrapped up so much in our emotional wounds and needs, that point-black we act very selfishly sometimes. We don't consider the emotional and mental stress it puts others through when we self-harm or self-sabotage. All we focus on is that it's a desperate and effective way to get attention and feel loved and cared for, even if it's just temporary attention from some medical staff.

But I'm saying this to validate you. His behavior is selfish. He is stressing you out mentally and emotionally, and doesn't seem to care about that. That is not "loving". That is passive-aggressive, selfish attention-seeking. He is probably a good person, most of us are, but what he is doing is indeed wrong and selfish. You must set very firm boundaries and be pushy about him getting help, but with boundaries, so that you don't become responsible for his responsibility to get help. A good therapist can help you with this.