All I know right now is that I don't know what love is. Some times I do. When I look at my husband, after 30 yrs, I still get butterflies even if he doesn't deserve it! I wish I could stop feeling that way! He was just very rude and hateful to me and I told him I was tired of having to walk on eggshells so that I didn't upset him but he can treat me anyway he wants. It's over! I told him he was welcome to leave and go back to Canada if being home was such a pain in the *** for him! He said he was, but went to bed instead. He may be waiting for tomorrow and in the meantime, I have to hurt by myself, know that I'm not getting any kind of apology or acknowledgement that he did wrong, I have to face the doctor tomorrow with whatever his prognosis is by myself and who knows what HE's gonna do! I know I don't need his kind of treatment!

OH HELL!!! WHAT'S THE USE!?!?!?