Neither of us were. She acts just like my mom did when we were little. That's why I worry so much about my nephew because I don't want him to have extra stressor that could set off schizophrenia since it runs in families.

I'm dreading going home. It's so easy to break me down. It hurts that she thinks I'm pretending. Why would anyone want to be like this? I hate the life I'm forced to live. She has no idea how much better her life is. Just because she has to take care of two kids since she was 15, she thinks she has the worst life ever because she "never has any friends" or "never gets to do anything" even though she's always gone. She always has friends over. Even in the middle of the night. I have my boyfriend. My best friend that lives in my city. My online best friend that I've known since 13 but never have met in real life and you guys. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I think she's mad or jealous because she wants to just sit around and do nothing. But sitting around doing nothing is horrible. It's so boring and so easy to get lost in your thoughts and so much stuff. I would trade lives in a heart beat if I could. I'm trying so hard not to just lay here and cry. It makes me wonder if my thoughts about schizophrenia being real. How they're trying to make me think I'm crazy and they all kinds of decoys to pretend I'm not alone and fake doctors to help make it more believable. Maybe I am the only one and that they didn't want me to figure it out.

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