I'm sorry to hear that you're going through these challenges!

Depression can definitely lower libido and I'm sorry that there isn't some balance there. Stress doesn't exactly make me in the mood either so I don't think you're alone with that. I'm glad that you had the chance to getting around to having this discussion with your husband.

I guess people have different comfort levels.

Perhaps you can ask him specific things that you would like him to do?

I don't know that he intentionally meant to invalidate your feelings but probably just isn't in your headspace right now and doesn't realise the extent to which this is seriously bothering you.

I've learnt that I can't always control how I feel.

But I can control how I react and my behaviour towards a given situation.

I wouldn't be comfortable living in a disorganised house. No, I would not relax either.

Maybe you can make a list of what things you think need to be done. And sit down together and as a couple decide who is prepared to do what and when?