I was eight. I can remember the exact moment. I was standing in our yard by a wooden fence, looking down at so e red and yellow flowers. And i felt so sad and empty- i do not recall why. But i SI'd, pretty severly. I recall at the time thinking that the scar i would have would help me always remember this moment.
I wish i could recall what happened right before i went out in the yard. I had probably gotten in trouble from my dad, like always.

As a child i self harmed in small ways. I didnt pick it up severly again until i was raped as a teenager, and i can remember getting in a burning hot shower one night, purposely burning myself on the water, trying to remove all the "dirtiness" from my horrible body.
The next day i started cutting.