The sexual abuse I encountered while growing up is pretty much stopping me from having a close relationship with anyone. My mind thinks like this "I really like this person I would like a relationship with them" then I think "Oh, but if you do that then they'll want to have sex with me and I can't do that". Even when I fantasize about having sexual relations those memories of sexual abuse are RIGHT there and I feel guilty about what I'm doing.

It's so extremely shameful. I can't let someone touch me -- it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'll rage on the person if they try. Every time I try to bring it up with my therapist I completely shut down. I just can't let anyone know the details about it. I keep hearing that I need to face my trauma to get better. How do I get better if I can't face it? How do I talk about it if my PTSD is stopping me from doing so?