It is not a poem, not a proper one, just an outpouring of thoughts so not creative corner material.

It is not really about coping with emotions more like how I am not coping and how do I ever get back on track and start coping like a somewhat normal person so no not in that space when it is more of an antithesis to the main message.

I hate to be generic and go for depression but it seems that’s the header this post will take.

I am sorry that my first proper post after my long break is so bleak but it seems to be the way things are at the moment. Maybe I’ll get back to a slightly more positive outlook later.

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I’m so tired, so beyond exhausted with fears aplenty yet to be conquered
Emotional balance seems to be awaiting a timeless, unapparent cosmic confluence
Apathy seems to rule the roost, mired hopelessly, helplessly in guilt
It is not really ingratitude; it is not an irreverent attitude
I care so much, much more than I can ever bring myself to say
In the innermost of my heart, hidden away

It may not seem like it, I certainly do not act like it
But I do care; there are many tears that I have shed in your name
At the all the hurt I’ve caused though never intentionally
I do love you in my own broken, selfish, helpless ways
I want to help, to extend that hand, to let you know I more than understand
To shoulder that burden that you have been carrying for me for all this time
But I am simply left unable

I tend to leave things at intentions, never translating them into actions
I do not know why I am like this but all I know is that I simply am
There is this shell surrounding me that I just cannot break out of
And maybe once it was for my protection but it is slowly becoming my prison
I do not know how to let it go, nor how long I can continue to hold on
With the state of things remaining as it is

What do to? Whom do I call to help when all my cries are being suffocated?
Who will hear let alone listen? Who will understand without a word being said?
I am alone and helpless, there is no anchor to keep me afloat
How long will it be before I drown and will someone help me before I get to that point?
Can anyone tell me? Does anyone know? I only ask because I do not
And it is so very difficult to keep holding on

A part of me knows it is not really pointless; it is only pointless when I let go
I can’t seem to help anything at all and I hate that fact more than words can say
Why is it so and how can it change? Please let me know, please just let me know
Let me know how to be me again.

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Please note I do not… this is in no way even remotely suicidal. Just I’m lost and in a sea of helplessness… I do not know why I felt the need to include that, but there it is anyway. Its just when I went to post this the 'no suicidal posts' seemed to jump out at me. I felt I should clarify.
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Thank you for responding/lending an ear.

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