So, firstly, a positive note: got back from a lovely road trip yesterday where I saw a lot of family and friends and did fun things.

The downside: I am back home and already miserable

A little about me may help in understanding this, but I'll also try to keep it to a short summary (since I know a lot of people here-sometimes myself included- do not like reading long things).

I'm a passionate LGBT advocate. I'm open-minded. The only thing I am close-minded about is close-minded people. I do not want to associate with them unless absolutely necessary (like when I am advocating for something). They are by no means friends of mine though.

I've grown up in a household in which I have been supported in someways and unsupported in others. I was supported financially during college and prior to college. We've taken some family vacations over the years. We've done things together. But in a lot of ways our family is also VERY broken. For the most part, I have always lacked emotional support from everyone (my parents and brother). They have shrugged off my feelings and my parents refused to respond when I told them about something my brother said or did. Much of this still goes on.

I also grew up in a house where my brother was addicted to weed. He smoked it many times daily. This was not allowed and my parents always argued with him about it. Somehow I would get in the middle of it and before I knew it I would be told to go to my room or called a "**** up" or told to "shut the **** up." I suppose I can attribute that to how angry my parents were that he was using drugs and how angry he was that they would not allow it. So here, you can tell, I was invalidated. Nobody wanted to hear me speak.

I became a vegetarian and was teased for a long time over that. This was 99.9% of the time my brother and he still does that sometimes. When I came out as gay (I'm a girl by the way) at 13, he would always call me a dyke. I'm still convinced that if he never had a gay sister he would be homophobic. My parents are not like this at all. They are okay with me being vegetarian and they are fine with me being gay. He doesn't get his ignorance from them. In fact, he ought to know better.

The HUGE Blow Up occurred today. He literally said he would not befriend a transgender or black person. "I would be okay if someone said they were transgender who I was already friends with, but I wouldn't go sit with them and befriend them if I knew they were" and "I would not go sit with a group of black people." (Side note: he also doesn't want Hilary Clinton to be president because she is a woman).

My brother has long been the antagonist in my life. My parents know this yet sometimes have done nothing about it. They're more likely to throw their arms in the air and go "oh well, nothing we can do about it" instead of scolding him. I feel that I, as a sister, should not bear the burden of correcting his wrongs/teaching him better. Parents should do that. I thought they did, but he got his transphobic, sexist, and racist thoughts from somewhere. Maybe once he got them (probably from horrible friends in High School), they just gave up on him.

Anyways, I screamed my head off at him. I was literally (and I mean literally in the literal sense and not figuratively) spitting mad. I was shaking and every inch of my body was tense. I screamed basically saying I'm sick of having to fight my brother because I shouldn't have to fight for equality in my own house. I said he is exactly one of the people that I fight against. And I said that just because he is my brother does not mean I have to like him because I did not choose him for a brother. I said I can choose my friends so I can choose whether or not he will be one of them. Finally, I said "I refuse to speak to you again until you get your **** straight."

That is right. I mean it. I am finally cutting my brother off for good or at least until he can admit and apologize for his wrongs. I have taken years of his abuse and ignorant/biased ways. I have finally decided that I refuse to feel guilty for cutting him out of my life. This is something people around us will have to deal with. I refuse to feel bad about it. The relationship is not healthy for me. If you can cut off a friend or a girlfriend, why does everyone make such a big deal if you need to cut off a family member? If he was not related to me, I would have nothing to do with him at all. I finally reached that conclusion. It is better that we do not speak to one another. Maybe he will start to take me seriously when he realizes I have cut him off. He is moving out this weekend. Thank god. This means I only have to ignore him for a few days.

It is important to note that it is not only his ignorance that has caused this. Again, he has always been the antagonist in my life. He says "I'm suppose to tease you. I'm your brother" when he purposely pissed me off. He will bang on my door (which I've explained is triggering and asked him many times to stop). He will call me "overly sensitive" even thought I-again- explained it is a trigger and asked him to stop. He will ignore me randomly (again a trigger and just plain rude). Half the time he does not even bother to say hello or goodbye when entering or leaving the house. He consistently insults me for any mess that I make. I'm sure I could go on even longer. I just wanted to make clear that there are A LOT of reasons why I made this decision.

I hope this does not sound immature. I tried to explain it as best as I can. Family members can be toxic too, you know? And he is. He is.