I understand completely. I had this conversation with my father a few months back, when I was undergoing the emotional breakdown that sent me into therapy. It was a mistake, because he has never and will never understand depression. "You have to keep going;" he told me, "to LIVE, to SUSTAIN yourself." When I asked "Why?", he didn't know how to answer. He couldn't understand the sick sinking feeling that living and fighting for the next day just didn't seem to be enough anymore.

I feel this way frequently and have for some 30 years. Always feeling that there is no hope or light. But somewhere underneath the layer of depression I know that my dad was right, and your psychologist is right. You DO have to keep trying, it's all any of us can do. It's all any human being throughout history has ever been able to do.

For those who've never experienced depression or anxiety, those everyday trials aren't the things we know. Their efforts aren't tinged with anger or dread or hopelessness, and if you're anything like me, you may see these people seemingly sail through life on clouds of air, unencumbered by the kind of hell we war with in our heads daily, and you may feel angry and envious of them, and then you may turn the anger back on yourself for not being "normal". This is where my spiral of depression has sent me; if it doesn't happen quite the same way for you then I apologize. I've been reading your posts and I promise you, I recognize every word from my own experiences.

I've thought about ending things before. I'm glad I didn't. Even during the worst times in life there are small victories to be had, accomplishments, no matter how simple, to take pride in, and things great and small in the world to be observed and enjoyed. These things are worth living for, even in the midst of all the pain. I promise you that, too. Please listen to your psychlogist, keep fighting through the bad days, and keep your eyes open for these good things, and you will find them.