hi,
I am a mid lifer, trying to make a life for myself.
dont seem to know where (?) to begin. am so tired, sad - & when not feeling so - am in limbo, indifferent, 'taupe'

• have had a life of fear /dominant father.
• spouse went into crisis & blamed me for ALL the marital problems (but they do that, the 'all' part)

i could see where timidity, not having any real 'identity or character' impacted on relationship (but when father then spouse beats you DOWN -hello lifeless! duh).

• the marriage itself was fear based, so i could not flourish anyway. this means my spouse reinforced the very problems he had with me, and then 'punished' me further. The cycle went on.

i never had much of a youthful life anyway - too many problems with my dad. feel that i missed so much.
now I am being blamed by spouse for state of marriage.
it is difficult to be better with the constant criticisms and feeling like under a magnifying glass re every move I make.

i dont know where (!!??) to begin to feel better, feel confident & BRAVE enough to do things to live life! any advice?