Better to dump it than to hold it pent up - it would get even worse and make you physcially sick too. This is a good place to dump because all we want to do is support and not judge. Wish I could do more than offer my support in this scary time. Hang in there. 
__________________
W.Rose
 
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“The individual who is always adjusted is one who does not develop himself...” (Dabrowski, Kawczak, & Piechowski, 1970)
“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” (Oliver Wendell Holms, Sr.)
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