My mind and body are in hell right now, and there's no escaping. My anxiety is worse than its ever been and I can't push the thoughts, feelings, and urges out, no matter how hard I try. I just don't see the point, I've gone too far to change, my future seems pretty much gone and I'm only 19 years old. My depression, severe anxiety, and self hatred are just ruining me. I have nobody, absolutely nobody, and it seems that it's going to stay that way. I don't ever see myself ever being in a relationship, a girl being physically attracted to me, having sex, having kids, or just being loved and accepted by someone that I like. And it stings so bad on the inside, it hurts really bad. I see everyone on social media and in real life are in relationships, spending time together, getting intimate, having sex, enjoying their lives, and on the inside I feel a ridiculous amount of pain, disgust, self-hatred, and guilt because I've never had that for a moment in my life. And why should women want me anyway? I'm overweight, unattractive, have horrible skin, and just not really talented or good at anything. And yeah, I can change some things, but others I just can't, and when the things you can't change are the things that prevent you from doing that, you feel awful and like there is something horribly wrong with you and you were just born to be a failure and there's nothing you can do about it which makes you want to quit even more. I hate seeing other people happy, I just can't be happy for them because I hate myself because sometimes they don't even have to do anything, they will sometimes just always be better than you, and it makes me think about suicide sometimes, I just don't know it's an awful, horrible, disgusting, dark feeling.