Ditto to what's been said... going off meds is ok as long as you do it carefully and with your providers in the loop about it (and able to help should it go poorly)... this post kinda sounds like you are actively sabotaging yourself right now. I see you writing that you don't want to go down that road again, but your actions of pushing people away and dropping meds without a solid backup plan points to the opposite... if aa is not working for you, there are other modalities for getting sober (personally, religion is triggering for me, so I stay far away from any 12 step style thing). Look into other things, but don't knock your legs out from under you before you find other support...
I understand wanting to be off meds. It's possible, but you need to make sure is the right choice for you. I also understand wanting to fit other people's model of how things should be processing. Chances are though, your t would rather you be honest about how you are doing. Also, anniversaries can be triggering. I'm guessing t understands that... call pdoc. Call t. Let them know what's going on for you. They can't be supportive if they don't know.