Sorry, cut my response short because of a phone. My mom is in the hospital so I'm doing about 10 things at once right now.

I really am doing very well. I finally reached a place where I wasn't just forcing my way to doing all the right things for myself but instead those self-care strategies became very much internalized and are now a matter of habit, even when things are not perfect in my life. In fact, they are even more important when things are not going well.

I did finally reach a place where I haven't needed to be on medication for about a year and a half now. I didn't go off of meds because I was tired of them though; that's important. I went off of them because I reached a place where I could use my skills and resources effectively and consistently so the meds became unnecessary. If at some point down the road I realize I need medications again, I am open to that possibility. I have also been out of therapy for about that same length of time and for the same reasons. I reached that place in my healing where I finally internalized what I need to do daily to stay emotionally healthy.

You can get there, but you have to get there in your own time and through regularly walking the walk.

I do hope you can get this turned around before it really takes hold. I went through so many episodes that went so badly before I finally reached this point, so I do truly understand where you are right now. Have patience with yourself, but resist the temptation to just sit back at let it happen to you. Fight that powerlessness; it doesn't have to be that way. Advocate for yourself. You know how, but your depression is telling you differently right now. Please keep reporting in. We care.