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Old Jul 28, 2015, 09:51 AM
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angelicgoldfish05 angelicgoldfish05 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace View Post
Sorry, cut my response short because of a phone. My mom is in the hospital so I'm doing about 10 things at once right now.

I really am doing very well. I finally reached a place where I wasn't just forcing my way to doing all the right things for myself but instead those self-care strategies became very much internalized and are now a matter of habit, even when things are not perfect in my life. In fact, they are even more important when things are not going well.

I did finally reach a place where I haven't needed to be on medication for about a year and a half now. I didn't go off of meds because I was tired of them though; that's important. I went off of them because I reached a place where I could use my skills and resources effectively and consistently so the meds became unnecessary. If at some point down the road I realize I need medications again, I am open to that possibility. I have also been out of therapy for about that same length of time and for the same reasons. I reached that place in my healing where I finally internalized what I need to do daily to stay emotionally healthy.

You can get there, but you have to get there in your own time and through regularly walking the walk.

I do hope you can get this turned around before it really takes hold. I went through so many episodes that went so badly before I finally reached this point, so I do truly understand where you are right now. Have patience with yourself, but resist the temptation to just sit back at let it happen to you. Fight that powerlessness; it doesn't have to be that way. Advocate for yourself. You know how, but your depression is telling you differently right now. Please keep reporting in. We care.
Hey Lola, sorry to hear your mom is in the hospital - sending her strength and healing. I hope she gets well soon. It's good to hear you are doing so well. You have put in the work to get there. It's great to hear from a person who says it is possible, because they have done it. They have been there and back again and lived to tell the tale! It is true that there is the need to fight the powerlessness and the helplessness. I'm not making excuses, but it is doubly hard when others want you powerless and helpless and work effortfully to keep you there in that place (for whatever reason, and they have their reasons). It is difficult to advocate for self when the emphasis has always been on other and how it is supposed to always be on other. Even though you wouldn't know it by how much I am writing about self self self here. But self needs some love and care and attention too. It is not selfish to use a coping method that has worked in the past (posting on psychcentral forums) as a way to try and stabilize and improve the situation. I admire you, Lola, for continuing to offer support to others after you have gotten better. That is truly kind of you and I'm sure I'm not the only one benefiting and appreciative of you sharing your experience, strength and hope (total AA words right there). So anyways, thank you. Means a lot.
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"When it's good, it's so good,
when it's gone, it's gone."
-Ben Harper

DX: Bipolar Disorder, MDD-recurrent. Issues w/addiction, alcohol abuse, anxiety, PTSD, & self esteem. Bulimia & self-harm in remission
Thanks for this!
unaluna