Hi Janco, sorry these thoughts are haunting you. It's hard when you can't share them. Have you looked into Mindfulness techniques? They have some strategies for letting go of unhelpful thoughts, such as imagining leaves floating down a stream and mentally writing your thoughts on them and watching them float away. I'm not too good at it but some people have found great help from it. It's not easy to do and needs practice, maybe going to a class if there's one near you. One friend of mine finds Mindfulness really helps her cope with intrusive thoughts and strong emotions, she wouldn't be without it.