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angelicgoldfish05 · Jul 28, 2015, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Rather than waiting for things to explode with your dad at home, have you tried (maybe you have and your parents aren't cooperative) sitting down with your parents and coming up with a plan? Could you insist on contributing some rent--even just a small amount--frame it as working on your own life skills? If they won't take it, could you pretend and perhaps set up your own savings account where you put that money each month for practice (the added bonus to that would be you could be saving up to get out on your own)? Could you insist that your laundry, your bathroom, your bedroom are your responsibility to clean and take care of -- thank you mom for all you do, but I need to learn to do this? These are little things, and it sounds like your mother particularly might be resistant, but perhaps framed the right way, her thinking might adjust? Could you get Dad on board first since you predict he really wants you do be able to do this, and maybe he could support you when talking to mom?

Yes, I need to be the one that does this. I can't believe I put all that out there (I feel ashamed for all the honesty, hurt, pain and meanness inside of me). But yes, I need to train my parents to be the parents I need them to be. Not that they are bad parents, they are only trying to help. I'm just not sure it is what is best for me. Part of me is ready to jump ship and just go into debt with financial aid through school. I'd be out on my own though and probably feel a little better about myself. Then the other part of me is like, don't be stupid, stay through school and you can pay off your credit card debt! I just don't know. I have a difficult time believing I will have a job that will help me get ahead in the future. It is hard just to get by with the jobs I've been doing. I had the good job with the state, paid $15 an hour. The wonderful thing about it was that I made a great living and got to help others (at least I hope I helped and did not hurt anyone). But then I got fired. I know it is because deep down I feel I do not deserve that (don't know why), so I self-sabotaged that for myself. And I hate that because I really was happy and getting to a healthy place. I tell myself that I self-sabotaged because maybe I can't accept that I am just not really a person capable of "that level" and that I will always make less than that. Maybe it is easier than accepting the truth that I am not capable of earning that much for myself even. It is like if you are a C student and you want to be an A student somewhere inside you. But that you also got fired because you were not an A student, but were actually a C student. So then you settle in, you have learned your place. Broke, in debt, alone, sick, and living in mom and dad's basement...