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angelicgoldfish05 · Jul 28, 2015, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Restin

AGFish, from your initial post, I get the conviction that you're not doing so OK and ready to cut sessions. Even though you might not be the worst suicidal you've been, there is still a lot of questions and concerns about meds, your spiritual life, and what to do next for your growth. I feel like you're a swimmer almost ready to swim, but I need to keep my hands near because I'm not sure you're so able to keep your head above water. I think this is a very important time for you to have a good therapist to keep you on the right track. It's definitely not the time to cut back and I don't see why your T is doing it other than T has his own life to deal with.
I would get an additional T if you're too attached to this one to just leave. Or if you're able to, quit present T and get a good Psychodynamic T.
You've come so far and I'm afraid stopping now will not keep you going well enough. A good therapist provides so much more steadiness and someone to bond with in your struggle.
I applaud your interest in a spiritual way, and I do believe that God is in our mental health issues. But I also see it like people do with any health problem...you go to a cardiologist if you have a heart problem even while you believe in God and have help there. I think God wants us to use all the medical knowledge as well as relationship with Him. In all, you have a lot on your plate and much you're mulling over that's important. I just think you need to see a good T at least every week, without any long breaks, to work all this out.

Thanks restin, that was really poetic how you said that. And thank you for the reminder about the spiritual part of the journey. God is there just waiting, but you have to go to God. God needs to be sought, and if there is not space in the mind for God, God will be waiting for you to make the space in your mind for him... Waiting for an opening to shine love and light in.
And what you said about t, I'm not sure why she is pulling back, tidying things up and wrapping them, putting the bow on already and saying "I'm a success story". What is it with therapists spouting off that I am a success story. Oh wait, that's right, I told her that is what ex-t said to me so she is getting on board with it too. Oh well, I sure do want to be! Want to make them proud don't they see? But... And a big but, that I need to get there honestly, and truly feel that. Not just pretend to make the therapist feel better like they did a great job and it's over now and we can all go home to our real lives now. To her it is a job. She is the guide and leading the way I guess, but we are on two different chapters of the book. She seems to have jumped towards the end and I don't think I've even reached the middle yet. But then again, might not be a journey that is meant to be taken with her. Therapy is a sacred journey, and deep down, I don't know if it is the right person. The right person is there - he exists on the planet, in this city - but that is not possible. So I guess I need his runner up if it is not supposed to be her or him. I need to be patient with it all, it is a process, and to trust again. So hard to trust, want to control!

ok, thanks again restin! Hoping you have a good day and keep fighting the good fight!