It sounds like you are having a major depressive episode and also struggling with OCD. That is a vicious negative cycle alright. You need to make some
kind of change for sure to end this. Is your therapist aware you feel this way?

I think meds really can help with depression. If you can't force yourself to take anything, maybe make the OCD on this issue priority #1 in your counseling so that you can. Many people won't understand where you're at, but I do, and I know others of us on this site do.

It can be a lonely world sometimes. You're not the only one who struggles to form relationships, I do as well. It might be hard to see it from where you're at but depression but I would bet you are pushing people away and not even aware of it. It is a hallmark of depression to push away people and help and then think like you are that people are abandoning you and there is no hope... It's classic trust me, it's part of your depression.

I do hope you find some good help and don't hurt yourself. You know you're worth something deep down, you just need to trust that. Depression is a very real very serious thing that is scientifically proven to be helped with meds if not the right therapy most of the time.