I really appreciate the responses from you three ladies. Please don't worry. I'm not suicidal at all. The last time I had that thought was over 30 yrs ago and saw how stupid that was. I've come to realize a whole lot of things since then. I know myself and some of my worth a whole lot better now than I did then. Again, I'm NOT going to hurt myself in any way... except maybe to continue to put myself in the way of my husband's irrational behavior, but not for long. What I meant about "what's the use" is trying to figure out what love is. My kids and their behavior towards each other is the only thing that bothers me now. To expect any possitive thought or action from my husband is just another exercise in futility.